


(If Nothing Can Be Done) We'll Make the Best of What's Around

by racheesi



Series: The Best of What's Around-Verse [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF, The Rain (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Chester the Goat is a good girl and we love her, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Jompher Tompher Compher is touch starved and needs every hug, Luckily the Avs are the most affectionate hot messes ever, M/M, Mentions of Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Minor Character Death, Multi, Pregnancy, gratuitous mentions of dave matthews band, sorta slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/racheesi/pseuds/racheesi
Summary: One summer day, The Rain came and killed everyone it touched. Three years later, JT and his sister are trying to survive in their isolated Colorado cabin. Then, he meets a group of people who show him that sometimes there's more to living than just survival.[[An AU very loosely based on The Rain TV show from Netflix, but you don't have to have watched the show to understand the fic]]





	(If Nothing Can Be Done) We'll Make the Best of What's Around

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Dave Matthews Band's "Best of What's Around"
> 
> If you found this fic by googling your name, turn away. This is 100% fiction. 
> 
> Please read the tags for any content warnings.
> 
> This was written for the Avs Photo Challenge. It was supposed to be 1K-5K. Will I ever do one of these without going EXTREMELY over the word count? Unlikely. I'm extra. I apologize for nothing.

When it happened, JT considered himself lucky. He was with his sister and some friends. They were about to go outside and grill up some steaks until they realized it looked as though a storm was approaching.

Most of them stayed inside, thank god.

His neighbor, the kind elderly man who rented out their cabin to visitors, was outside putting out some plants, surely hoping they’d reap the benefits of the oncoming rain. He didn’t make it. As soon as the drops hit him, he was writhing in pain, screaming, and dead before he even hit the deck.

Then Chad. JT didn’t really even know the guy. He was some douchey friend of a friend, but he brought the beer and wasn’t a terrible guy to watch basketball with. Chad decided to run out and “rescue” the beer cooler from beside the grill.

Chad lasted a little longer than the neighbor. Fifteen minutes of screaming, frothing at the mouth, body contorting in sickening ways. His girlfriend went out to try and help him inside. She wasn’t so lucky. She sat, sobbing, holding Chad’s body, until almost an hour and a half later, she followed him in the same way. Her eyes stared up at the rainy sky, dark and bloodshot and completely devoid of life.

JT hated himself for not helping at first. He, like everyone else they were with, just watched in horror.

Eventually, it was just him and Jesse at his house. The last of their guests tried to get to their cars and check on their loved ones. Some of them may have made it.

At least, JT thought, he had stocked up on bottled water and food before the cookout.

Two years later and he still hadn’t quite forgiven himself for asking Jesse to visit him in Colorado that week, renting out that stupid cabin in the middle of nowhere, away from his nice Denver apartment. Maybe she’d be safer in Illinois with their parents. He heard rumors that the rain didn’t hit all the states. That some states had closed borders to stop the spread of the virus. It only had a four-hour incubation period, they said. If you were exposed, you were dead before the fifth hour. Even if you weren’t in the rain yourself. But they’d watched so many people die. The virus was in Colorado. She may have been safe somewhere else.

But Jesse was in Colorado with him and JT would do everything in his power to protect her. She’d argue that she could protect herself, and she was probably (absolutely) correct, but he was still her big brother. The world had gone to shit. It was truly the apocalypse. They might not survive this, but JT had no intentions at all of outliving Jesse. He’d protect her from anything until his last, gasping breath.

They left the old man’s cabin empty, a home for things that JT and Jesse didn’t want to see. It had most of the old man’s things (save for any necessities JT and Jesse could scavenge in the first few weeks), and Chad’s clothes and anything left by friends and travelers who died. JT had a hard time going through their stuff, and it was so much easier to just lock it in the other cabin and throw the key in the bottom of the sock drawer in his dresser.

Luckily they didn’t come across many people, it was just the two cabins in the middle of the woods, and it wasn’t hard for JT to set some traps around the area to keep them a little safer. He only went out hunting when he needed to and Jesse had found a book on jerky making in the old man’s cabin, so they were able to store up some venison before the winter came every year. She’d also gotten good at gardening, by trial and error, so they had a little bit to help them live on as they slowly ran out of canned beans and dried pasta.

To supplement their food a little more, JT learned to scavenge and hunt. It was hard, but he’d nicked some tools and a really nice bow and some arrows from the neighbor’s cabin, as well as from an abandoned hunting truck he’d found out by the main road. He wasn’t great, but he wasn’t terrible. Jesse was smarter than he was and figured out how to purify the water so they could drink. And they’d learned what sources nearby were contaminated and which ones weren’t.

They hadn’t seen many other people in the last two years, but the people they _had_ seen…. Well.

Kindness seemed to have died in The Rain, too.

The first time, it was a guy, not much older than JT. Jesse convinced JT to let him in, give him some food. They’d just dried some venison and she had made some sort of tea out of some plants she’d been trying to grow on the windowsill.

It took the guy exactly 14 hours and 32 minutes to try and go after Jesse, the minute JT’s back was turned. JT could have (and would have) killed him.

Jesse got there first.

JT buried the body next to the neighbor and Chad and Chad’s girlfriend (what was her name again? He couldn’t remember anymore.) while Jesse sobbed and tried to wash the blood from her hands and bedroom floor.

The handful of other people they encountered in their remote little area weren’t much better. Thieves who wanted everything JT and Jesse had. And killers who, in trying to defend themselves, made JT and Jesse killers themselves a few times over. It was like every bit of goodness was sucked out of the human race.

It wasn’t much of a life, but it was their life now.

 

* * *

 

One spring day in year three, he was out tracking a deer, when he heard a distinct crunch of footsteps not far from him. He ducked behind a tree, but the deer was so close, and he and Jesse had just used up the last of their winter stores. He sent up an empty prayer, pulled back his bow, and shot the deer. It went down surprisingly quick, one of the better shots JT had made. But as he hurried toward it, silent as he could manage, he saw two arrows sticking out of the deer. Fuck.

He quickly notched another arrow, as a man about his age came out from behind a tree, not walking nearly as silent as he should be when hunting.

The guy had curly hair, long, as though he hadn’t gotten his hair cut since the rain (Jesse still insisted on cutting JT’s even if he let his beard grow out in the meantime). It was pulled back into a loose bun, a few errant curls sticking to his forehead. His shirt was cut off at the sleeves, revealing not thick, but toned arms. He’d have been just JT’s type, before The Rain, before everything that happened after.

“That’s my deer,” the guy said.

JT’s fingers tightened against his string. “Two arrows, bud. She’s mine, too.”

“I’m sure we can come to some sort of compromise,” a third voice said softly, coming out behind the stranger and JT pulled the string back, ready to fight if he needed. He was outnumbered, but he didn’t want to lose this food for Jesse.

The third guy, a blond who looked like some sort of Viking from a comic book, raised his hands as though he came in peace. Nobody came in peace anymore. Not here.

“Don’t-” JT said, voice strained. He’d killed two people now, excluding Chad and the others that he couldn’t stop from going outside. It wasn’t easy, he still woke up in cold sweats, unable to breathe after the nightmares sometimes, but he'd do everything he could to protect his sister.

“We need this deer,” JT said, jaw tight.

“We?” the blond said.

JT winced. “ _I_. I need this deer.”

The blond stayed still, didn’t put his hands down, but he didn’t stop talking either. He hated that. When they don’t stop talking, the voices haunt his nightmares, too. “Maybe we can come to a compromise, yeah?” he said, voice soft and smooth and reasonable and JT hated how much he wanted to be put at ease by the tone.

“I’m Gabe,” the blond said. “And this is Tyson.”

“I don’t want to know your names,” JT mumbled.

Gabe continued. “Tyson here is really fast at breaking down a deer, yeah? Pretty much the fastest field butcher I’ve ever met since all this shit started. You’ve got a pack, right?” Gabe nodded to JT’s backpack.

“So you’re what… suggesting we split it?” JT said, trying to follow what Gabe was going for here.

“Yeah. We don’t go to your camp, you don’t come to ours, both of our people stay safe-”

“I don’t have people,” JT said quickly, even though they all both it was a lie. But he held onto it. If they didn’t know about Jesse, the safer Jesse was.

“Both our _camps_ stay safe,” Gabe amended, softly, giving JT a small smile. “We find some neutral ground, Tyson breaks this doe down, and we both go on our way. Does that sound good?”

JT thought it through. He was outnumbered. These guys were both pretty fit. Clearly, at least Tyson was good with a weapon. This was probably safest. He waited a few beats, then nodded.

“Cool,” Gabe said, voice still soft as if he was talking down an angry dog or something. “Why don’t you put the bow away? Keep a knife out or something if that makes you feel better? Just like… maybe not the projectile weapon?”

That seemed fair. JT slowly relaxed his bow, then quickly slung it over his shoulder and grabbed the knife strapped to his thigh.

“Do you have a name? Something we can call you?” Gabe asked.

JT’s eyes cut between Gabe and Tyson, debating the question. It was fair, he supposed. And maybe if they knew his name, it’d be harder for them to kill him.

“I’m JT.”

“Okay, JT,” Gabe said, smile shifting his beard and making the corners of his eyes crinkle kindly. JT briefly thought that maybe, if the world were like before, he could be friends with these guys. “We don’t know these woods as well. Maybe there’s somewhere you know of that we can protect from any other hunters while Tyson here breaks down Bambi?”

JT thought about it, maybe briefly considered leading them into one of his traps, but then shook his head and shrugged. “Whole woods are pretty much like this,” he mumbled, still gripping the knife at his side.

“Okie dokie. Well, I saw a pretty flat boulder a little bit East of here. Could make a nice table for Tyson to work on. Sound good?” Gabe said, pulling the two arrows out of the deer and handing them back to JT and Tyson. He then swung the entire deer over his shoulders, barely straining under the weight and JT felt his entire body tense. Gabe was significantly stronger than he seemed. He’d have to be more careful, more on guard.

“You remember where it was, Josty?” Gabe asked.

While JT was busy wondering who the hell ‘Josty’ was, Tyson piped up with an affirmative and stomped off in the direction of the flat rock. JT remembered it, too. He sometimes used it as a table for a quick field lunch if he was out hunting for too long. It was just over one of his traps.

“You’re going to want to tell your friend to learn to walk quietly if he wants to hunt,” JT said quietly to Gabe.

Gabe huffed out a surprised laugh, then nodded. “Yeah, we keep telling him. He’s our best marksman, but not one for subtlety.”

JT nodded once, unsure what to say to that.

Tyson, however, seemed as if he had no shortage of things to say. “Aww, Gabe. You think I’m the best marksman? That’s sweet. Ooh, there’s the rock! Let’s go!” he grinned and took off for the boulder.

JT was momentarily distracted by how wide and bright and brilliant Tyson’s smile was and he blamed himself for the way he didn’t notice at first what direction Tyson was running.

“ _Stop_ !” JT barked. “ _Tyson._ Fucking _stop_.”

It was too late. The branches snapped beneath Tyson’s feet and he went down with a pained cry, the small ditch trap JT dug. The deer’s body made a loud thump as it hit the ground and Gabe was in front of JT, knife in hand and his kind expression was suddenly terrifyingly furious.

“What the fuck are you-” Gabe advanced and JT backed up quickly, bringing the knife in front of him.

“I tried to stop him,” JT said quickly, hands shaking a little. “I told him to stop. You heard me. I- fuck. I have traps around our- around _my_ camp. To keep us- keep _me_ safe. I have- I- I can’t-” His breath started coming in pants and Gabe put the knife away.

“Help me with him,” Gabe ordered and JT immediately put his knife away, too, scrubbing down his face with his free hand. _Fuck_.

JT headed over. The ditch wasn’t deep, but it was enough that Tyson’s ankle was bent at a pretty unnatural angle.

“We have to get his shoe off,” Gabe said, already working at Tyson’s boot.

Tyson hissed as they slowly worked it off, followed by a thick sock, and his foot was already swollen and colorful and JT bit his lip. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“He can’t make it back to camp like this. We’re too far,” Gabe said softly, looking to JT. The unspoken question made JT bristle. He couldn’t let someone else there. Not again. Gabe continued, “We have a walkie I can call in for help, but… We can’t- Not with…” He trailed up, pointing up at the darkening sky. It looked like rain and JT felt sick. He couldn’t leave them to that. They’d die in the rain. This was his fault. They were _definitely_ close to the cabin.

“You get the deer,” JT said, hoping to god this didn’t bite him in the ass. “I’ll get him. Step where I step. And give me your walkie. I’ll help you but I’m not risking my- my camp.”

Gabe let out a huff of air. “Yeah. Yeah okay,” he handed over the walkie. “You mind if I um… I can maybe check in with them when we get there? You can sit with me, make sure I don’t tell them anything, but we have… I mean… Tyson and I… we have family at our camp. We should let them know we’re safe.”

Family. This guy knew just where to punch at JT to make it hurt. JT nodded, helping Tyson up and pulling Tyson’s arm over his shoulders and getting him out of the ditch. He haphazardly kicked some leaves back over the ditch, in case anyone else got an idea to follow. He couldn’t completely reset the trap before the rain came, but it was something.

“Don’t step anywhere you don’t see me step first,” JT reminded Gabe as he hurried Tyson along, taking most of the guy’s weight. Tyson’s breath was coming short, the guy was clearly in a world of pain. He couldn’t help with that, but he could stop him from dying when the rain came. Hopefully, that was enough that Gabe and Tyson would leave him and Jesse alone once they moved on.

They barely made it back to the cabin in time, as they approached the clearing behind the porch, Gabe’s face brightened and JT heard Tyson gasp next to him.

“Houses…” Tyson’s voice was soft, awed.

“You guys tell _no one_ ,” JT bit out to both of them. “Gabe, the shed is next to the porch. Put the deer there for now until the rain stops and we can break it down. I’ll get Tyson inside.”

JT unlocked the door and got Tyson inside, leaving the door open behind him for when Gabe was done with the deer. He had hoped he could run upstairs and tell Jesse to hide and stay quiet before they knew she was there, but the quick thumping of her footsteps at the stairs fucked that idea to hell.

“Fuck,” JT said quietly, leading Tyson to the couch. He raised his voice to yell to his sister. “Jesse stay there.”

His voice was tense enough that he was sure she’d catch on, but his sister had never been one to listen to what he said. At least, he noticed as she crept into the living room, that she had a knife in her hand. Good.

“We have _guests,_ ” JT bit out, getting Tyson onto the couch before putting his body between Tyson and Jesse, then shifting to protect her from Gabe too, when the man came inside, shutting the door behind him, huffing as he brushed sweat from his forehead. JT’s knife was back in his hands and Gabe stayed still.

“We’re not going to hurt her,” Gabe said quietly, raising his hands in defense again. “We both understand wanting to keep your people safe, JT.”

“We won’t hurt her!” Tyson repeated from the couch.

“People have said that before,” JT grumbled, fingers tightening and he could hear Jesse huff behind him.

“Yeah and we protected ourselves, JT. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve killed more people who have tried to attack us than you,” her voice was soft but it still cut JT deep. If his night terrors were bad, Jesse’s were worse. More than once he’d come downstairs to find her staring off into a window, nursing a cup of hot water and some mint leaves, trying to find some semblance of peace.

“I’m Gabe,” Gabe said, looking past JT towards Jesse. “That’s Tyson. We were hunting, came across your brother. We were going to split a deer, but Tyson got hurt and the rain looked like it was coming. Our camp was too far and… well…”

JT nodded, affirming Gabe’s story for Jesse and he felt her relax a little behind him.

“Foot? Or ankle?” she said, stepping in front of JT and pointing her knife to Tyson.

“Ankle, I think. It made a popping noise and bent weird when I fell,” Tyson said, cheeks red and splotchy and JT was a little bit enthralled with his blush for a moment.

“We have some wraps. I’ll grab them,” Jesse said, sheathing her knife and heading back toward the stairs.

“I don’t suppose you have anything for the pain?” Tyson said.

JT shook his head. They’d only had Tylenol and most of it had gotten used during a horrible fever Jesse had the last winter. JT didn’t know what else to do. He had been terrified he’d lose her. He didn’t even know if it even helped, but he would have used whatever he had to even try and make her okay again. He’d never been so terrified in his life.

When Jesse came down with the wraps, JT looked at Gabe and nodded to the kitchen. They settled in the doorway, so JT could keep an eye on the couch as Jesse wrapped Tyson’s ankle. JT handed over the walkie. It was a nice one. Long range, solar-charged battery. Official-looking. JT wondered who died so Gabe could get it. Nobody just _found_ something like that.

“Remember,” he said quietly, hand still around his knife handle. “Not a fucking word about where we are.”

“I know,” Gabe said softly, turning on the walkie. “Hey… anyone there? This is Gabe.”

“Gabe? It’s Alexander. It’s about to rain, where the hell are you guys?”

“We found a temporary shelter. We got a deer, but Tyson got hurt so we might be a while getting back,” Gabe said. It was clear he was deliberately keeping his voice even, and the response from this Alexander made it clear why.

“Fuck. Is he okay? Where are you guys? I can be there as soon as the rain stops,” the guy was panicking and JT was ready to snatch the walkie if Gabe so much as breathed a word about their location.

“Alexander,” Gabe’s voice was still even. “It’s his ankle. He’s slowed down but he’s going to be okay. You stay with the camp. You know this.”

“But he’s _hurt_. You have field training but you need a proper fucking medic. What if something fractured? What if there’s muscle damage? Just tell me where you are and I can-”

“ _Kerf_ ,” Gabe said sharply. “You are needed at camp. Do _not_ come to us. That’s an order. We found help. Nice guy. Trading us his shelter for a moment, so that Tyson can get patched up. We’re splitting the deer and heading back as soon as we can. But we have a deal, okay? We keep our camp safe, and Tys and I keep this guy and his place a secret for him. It’s a fair deal.”

“Is he there right now?” Alexander or Kerf or whatever his name was asked. Gabe held out the walkie to JT and he took it hesitantly.

“Yeah,” JT grumbled. “He keeps my place a secret, I make sure your guys get back to you alive. Plus half a deer. We gonna have an issue with that?”

“No! That- Gabe’s right. That’s fair,” the voice from the walkie seemed sad. Resigned. “But um… is Tyson there? Can I- Can I talk to him?”

“One sec,” JT said firmly, muting the walkie and heading over to where Tyson was slumped on the couch, Jesse prodding at his ankle and asking questions. JT looked at Tyson, red-cheeked, tired, and in pain, and he took a slow breath in and out, steeling himself with a firm look. “Not a _word_ about our location, anything near here, or Jesse. Got it?”

Tyson nodded quickly.

“An Alexander wants to talk to you,” JT said, handing over the walkie, standing close in case he fucked up.

Tyson’s reaction was immediate. He tore the walkie from JT’s hands, fumbling with it until he could speak. “Kerfy?” his voice was small.

“Hey, babe. Heard you took a fall. How’re you feeling?”

Tyson sniffed, ran the back of his hand under his nose, then answered wetly. “Hurts. Fucking- Fucking hurts, babe. We’re uh… we’re still taking a look. Don’t know how bad it is, yet.”

“Can you put any weight on it?”

Tyson shook his head, then seemingly remembering this guy couldn’t see him, he spoke into the walkie again. “No.”

“Alright. Let Gabe and this uh… this guy look after you, okay? And I’ll keep things under control here.”

Tyson let out a shaking breath, nodded, then spoke into the walkie again. “Yeah. I- I will. I love you, Kerfy.”

“Love you, too, Josty.”

Something churned in JT’s gut. Tyson had a boyfriend out there. And Gabe apparently had people there, too. People they had to look after and protect. JT got that, he understood that. But part of him was terrified. He didn’t know how many people they had at their camp. If they somehow found out about this place, JT and Jesse couldn’t defend themselves against that many people. They wouldn’t be safe. He took the walkie back, separating the battery from the rest of it. He’d lock them up later, just in case Gabe or Tyson got any wild ideas.

The rain started, and JT and Gabe watched through the window while Jesse wrapped up Tyson’s leg. When she was done, Tyson was asleep on the couch, wrapped ankle propped up on a stack of pillows. She came into the kitchen to stand beside JT and Gabe.

“Can’t say for sure, like I’m not an expert or anything, but it looks like my ankle did one time when I rolled it pretty bad during a workout with my hockey team in high school. I had to stay off of it for a couple weeks,” she said quietly.

“We can’t-” Gabe started, but Jesse cut him off.

“If your people won’t attack us, we can make that work. It’s mud season. JT is the only one who knows all the traps around this place. Even if you can get back to your camp between the rainstorms, chances are he’s going to hurt himself worse.”

JT pushed his hands against his eyes and sighed. She was right. Of fucking course she was right. But weeks of this, being on high-alert all the time. He was exhausted just thinking about it. But she was right. And he knew he’d never hear the end of it if he turned them out like this.

“Jesse can help you dehydrate your half of the deer,” JT said, resigned. “You can take one of the guest rooms. Tyson can stay on the couch until he can manage stairs. We have water already purified, a bathtub. We have limited food though so you’ve gotta use your own deer and if we have to go back out hunting, we go together.”

Gabe nodded, looking a little shocked that JT had agreed to this.

“Are your people in a place they can hang tight for a few weeks?”

Gabe was quiet for a few beats, then nodded. “If they’re careful, then yeah.”

“Tell them to be careful, then,” JT said. “I’ll keep the walkie and you can check in with them once a day under my supervision.”

“Yeah. Yeah that’s fair. Thank y-” Gabe said quickly, but JT held up a hand.

“Don’t. I’m not- Don’t thank me.”

Gabe thanking him would make it harder if JT had to kill them.

He didn’t want to, but if he had to, he would. And he didn’t want that to be any harder than it was.

 

* * *

 

 The next few weeks we’re tense, yes. Tyson clearly hated having to sit there and heal while his camp was… wherever they were. JT kept a close eye on them, slept (or barely slept) with his door open, glad his room was between Gabe’s guest room and Jesse’s room.

Gabe and Jesse broke down the deer, separating it and smoking it. Turns out Gabe also knew something about tanning the hide so they could actually utilize parts other than the meat. Jesse, against JT’s advice, shared some of their herbs and the first of the tomatoes that ripened in their small garden. Gabe sliced his into neat coins and ate each with a basil leaf. Tyson just bit into his like an apple, moaning as the juice ran down his chin.

JT had to take some time to himself after that.

His attraction to Tyson hadn’t ceased and he had to keep reminding himself about Alexander and how much they clearly loved each other if their daily conversations on the walkie were any indicator. And this guy seemed nice. He was the only one they communicated with from their camp. JT figured that was to protect the other people there. If JT didn’t know about them, they’d be safe from him. He got that. He wanted to do the same with Jesse. He knows that there were other people at the camp, but the only thing he could glean for sure was that Gabe had a wife. Alexander reported daily that “The Mrs. misses you but she’s fine.”

Every day, he’d make sure Jesse had her knife on her while he went around to check the traps. One day, while he was out, he came across one of the largest deer he’d seen. He shot it down, dragged it back to camp, and gave Gabe and Tyson part of it in return for helping cover up the drag marks. A few days later, Jesse was gardening and noticed a huge branch about to fall off one of the trees on the edge of the property. She got it down, wrapped one of Chad’s old tee shirts around it, and turned it into a makeshift crutch for Tyson.

They kept themselves busy in the evenings with the books Jesse had collected from theirs and the neighbor’s cabin, as well as a couple of board games. Tyson learned quickly that Jesse had pretty much all of the cards from Trivial Pursuit memorized, so they’d invented a new game where one of them would ask a question, and whoever could come up with the funniest, most creative bullshit answer won.

During one of the rounds, Jesse had asked what pizza chain the co-founder of Atari also founded and the answers (Pizza Duck Hunt, Sauce Invaders, and Papa Pong’s) had her full-on belly laughing for five minutes and JT had to excuse himself to go outside.

He heard the door open behind him after a minute. Tyson’s tell-tale hobbling on his makeshift crutch got closer. JT didn’t even reach for his knife, just tried to subtly swipe at the wet marks on his cheeks before turning around.

“You okay?” Tyson asked, voice soft. He leaned against the porch railing, standing close enough that JT could feel the disbelieving snort when he shrugged.

“C’mon. We all know you’re a softy under that rough forest lumberjack badass exterior,” Tyson said, rolling his eyes.

JT shifted his eyes to the door to the kitchen, making sure it was closed, before he answered. “Just… hit me suddenly, you know? I haven’t heard her laugh like that in years. I forgot- Forgot what it was like. Just trying to make my baby sister smile instead of like…”

“Instead of busting your ass and exhausting yourself to keep both of you alive?” Tyson finished.

JT nodded, a little surprised. He knew he wasn’t subtle about how much he protected her, but sometimes he was so bone-tired with the world and at that moment, he felt like Tyson could see right into that. Then Tyson leaned forward and pulled JT to him in a tight hug and- _wow_. JT forgot what that had felt like, too. Feeling a little dizzy with an emotion he wasn’t quite prepared to name, JT returned it, wrapping his arms tight around Tyson’s shoulders and burying his nose in Tyson’s curls. After a few deep breaths, the hug loosened and Tyson’s hand went to JT’s cheek, and he leaned his forehead against JT’s, sharing his air for a few beats.

“You’re a good man, JT. Don’t often find those anymore, y’know?” Tyson whispered, a hair’s breadth from JT’s lips and–

“Hey guys,” Jesse’s voice called from behind the door. “It’s time for Gabe to check in with his camp.”

JT stumbled back, remembering the static-y voice of Alexander, the faceless medic who loved Tyson. The guy whom Tyson would be going back to as soon as he could walk back to camp.

Feeling suddenly cold, he headed back inside, not even waiting for Tyson to follow.

Sitting through their conversations with Alexander felt even worse that night. Alexander talked to Gabe, voice tense, as he described the hole that had developed in one of their tents and how they had to double up until they could move on to find something to patch it up. Gabe gave an update on Tyson’s ankle and when Tyson finally made it inside to talk to him, he refused to meet JT’s eyes. That was probably for the best, considering every time Alexander’s voice came through on the walkie, JT had an urge to grab it and say _‘I’m falling for your boyfriend and I hate myself for it’_.

It felt worse when Josty asked quietly to speak with Alexander.

It felt even worse when Josty sat at the table, voice breaking, as he greeted Alexander with an “I miss you.”

JT couldn’t take it anymore. He knew what he had to do. He left Tyson talking with Alexander cryptically about people named Barrie and Colin and Nate, not stopping when Tyson paused, probably wondering why JT was actually leaving him alone to talk. He went right to his bedroom and threw open the top drawer of his dresser, digging around his mismatched socks until he found the small key chain he was looking for.

Gabe was in his room, folding the laundry they’d done that morning, taking advantage of a rare sunny day to dry it out. JT was gripping the keys so hard they were cutting into his hand painfully.

“Hey!” Gabe said, expression softening as he saw JT looming in the doorway. “Josty done talking to Kerf?”

“Still talking to him,” JT said quietly, voice wavering a little.

Gabe tilted his head, confused. “Is Jesse with him?”

JT shook his head. Then, he threw the keys so they landed on the bed in front of Gabe. “We pool our resources,” he said, voice only shaking a little bit. “I don’t know how many people you have but there’s four bedrooms next door. I can lead your people past the traps. I don’t want anyone else sharing this place I don’t already know. I- It might be easier to um… expand the gardens and stuff in the spring. And the storage shed. We’ll need help with that.”

JT was focused on a spot on the ground by his feet, unwilling to look up just yet.

“Why?” Gabe asked, moving closer.

“He- You guys deserve a permanent home,” JT said, shoulders hunching when his voice cracked.

“Oh, JT,” Gabe’s voice sounded sad and pitying and positively fatherly and, for the second time that day, JT was pulled into a hug. Gabe let JT cry silently into his shoulder for a few minutes, hand running slow circles on JT’s back as JT’s shaking hands fisted into the soft fabric of Gabe’s tee shirt. When JT finally pulled away, he saw tears in _Gabe_ ’s eye, too. “You have no idea how much this means to us. No idea, JT. I- you won’t regret this, okay?”

JT sniffed. “Anyone even thinks about hurting Jesse I will kill them,” he added quietly.

He expected Gabe to deny that anyone ever would, but the answer surprised him: a dark and absolutely serious, “I would help you.”

And with that, as much as it would break JT’s heart, he knew he was doing the right thing.

Gabe hurried downstairs to take the walkie and come up with a plan to meet his people. JT, avoiding looking at Tyson completely and trying to hide what was surely evidence of his breakdown with Gabe, quietly chimed in with ideas. He knew the land better than anyone. They found a place they could meet halfway, if they both left at first light. Then JT would guide them back, past his traps, and to the cabins.

While Gabe talked a little more to his people about the expectations JT set forth, pooling resources, keeping Jesse safe, his cabin and the neighboring one’s occupants, JT stood up.

“JT-” Tyson started, voice soft and JT couldn’t.

“Jesse,” JT said, leading his sister by the elbow toward the stairs.

“Are they really going to bring their people here? Live here with us?” Jesse asked quietly.

JT nodded. “I’m sorry, I should have talked to you first but-”

“JT,” Jesse cut him off and he looked at her, really looked. He saw how much she’d grown up in the last few years, how much she’d had to grow up. “You did the right thing. I’d have told you to do it myself if I wasn’t afraid you’d kick them out for even bringing it up. They’re good guys. If they trust their people…” 

JT nodded. “I want you to stay here with Tys- with Tyson. I know they trust their people but keep the doors locked and keep a knife on you. I’ll- I’ll get one of the guns out of the cabinet, too. Keep that on you and if anyone comes here that isn’t me leading them, you shoot first, ask questions later.”

Jesse rolled her eyes. “I know the drill. Be safe, okay?”

JT nodded and pulled his sister into his third (his _third_ ) hug of the day. “Love you, Jess.”

“Don’t call me that. And I love you, too, old man. Want me to go bug Tyson so you and Gabe can talk without you looking like you’re killing your soul to do it?”

She really was too perceptive for her own good. But JT nodded anyway, heading into the kitchen just as Gabe finished talking to Alexander. He got a small notebook and pencil out of a drawer by the door and sat next to Gabe as Jesse finagled Tyson out of the kitchen.

“Tell me about your people,” JT said, trying to learn as much as he could about the people he was about to let into his world.

Afterward, he looked at his notes and, as hesitant as he was, he felt a little hopeful, too. Maybe he could make this more than survival for Jesse. Maybe for him, too.

 

 

> ** Camp Gabe: **
> 
> Mel Landeskog \- Mrs. Gabe. Seems like human sunshine. Really smart.
> 
> Zoey \- dog!!!!!!!!
> 
> Alexander Kerfoot \- NOT Alex. Kerf/Kerfy allowed. Dating Tyson. Medic (former military). “Really Nice Guy”
> 
> Other Tyson: “Barrie” - Also human sunshine. Good cook.
> 
> Nate: (“Dogg” ??) good hunter.
> 
> Colin: handyman, can fix anything, gets along with everyone, likes music.
> 
> EJ: Expert at foraging. Good with plants and some animals. Had a farm before The Rain

 

JT stayed up half the night with Gabe, while Gabe talked about his camp. It was as if a dam had broken, the weeks of secrecy dissolving and Gabe talked and talked about his people. They seemed like a good fit. They supported each other, cared about each other. JT was nervous about he and Jessie fitting into an already close-knit group like that but Gabe did everything he could to put him at ease. Apparently, Jesse would fit in like a glove with Mel and EJ, according to Gabe. And Colin, Barrie, and Nate could have the shed upgraded in no time, and probably work on building a bigger smoker so they could store more meat up. JT told Gabe about the extra clothes and stuff he and Jesse hadn’t really gone through in the neighboring cabin and Gabe promised that he and Mel would personally make sure everything was divided up fairly and cleaned out and he and Jesse wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Gabe, Mel, and Zoey would be staying in the first guest room in JT and Jesse’s cabin. EJ, Barrie, Nate, and Colin would be in the neighboring cabin. JT wasn’t sure where Tyson and Alexander would be. There was still a second guest room in his and Jesse’s place, but… 

“We’ll figure it out. See what’s most comfortable for everyone,” Gabe assured JT, squeezing his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 The next morning, JT and Gabe set out, guns in hand, to meet up with the rest of their camp. Thankfully, they left while Tyson was still asleep. JT wasn’t sure what to even say to him anymore. And he didn’t trust himself not to say something that would fuck things up for everyone. Gabe followed carefully behind JT, while JT pointed out a few of his traps as they headed toward the meeting point. Every so often, Gabe would hum thoughtfully as JT explained. Once he’d followed it up with a quiet “that’s clever” and JT was glad he could hide his flush as he walked in front of Gabe. Prior to the rain, he’d just been some egghead jock, one of many at his university in Denver. He’d never been ‘clever’ before. It made him feel like maybe he was doing something right.

Once they’d passed all of JT’s traps, Gabe moved to walk beside him, both men tense and hyperaware. Anytime JT left his land he was on constant alert. But when they approached the meeting point, Gabe’s handgun was holstered immediately as he ran toward the group of people and, as JT caught up, he saw Gabe locked in an embrace with a small blonde woman. It was so intimate, so emotionally charged that JT had a hard time even watching the exchange without feeling as though he was intruding. As Gabe pulled away, though, JT saw exactly why, on that first day, Gabe insisted on the medic staying with the camp.

Mel was pregnant. _Very_ pregnant. JT smiled a little. He’d always loved kids. He and Jesse always loved playing with their baby cousins at family events. She was going to be thrilled to have a kid around.

JT did a quick head count, trying to put faces to names, and immediately put his gun back up.

“JT, what-” Gabe said and JT cut him off.

“Eight people. Eight. You said six, Gabe,” JT hissed.

Gabe tensed as well, but the tallest man in the group stepped forward, hands up. “Hey. You’re JT right? Just put the gun down. We got two new guys while Gabe and Tys have been gone. We’ll explain, okay?”

Gabe relaxed, but JT still stood at the ready, hands shaking a little. The tension in the group was thick, like an unbreathable fog had slid over them. Someone else stepped up, putting himself in front of the barrel of JT’s gun. He was a little shorter than Tyson, with dark eyes, a mop of messy chestnut hair, and a kind smile behind his scruffy beard.

“Hey. JT? Nice to finally meet you, bro,” the man said and JT recognized his voice immediately. Alexander. “I know it’s a lot to ask you to trust all these people you’ve never met, and then two new strangers on top of it, but please, just hear us out, okay? Please?”

JT lowered his gun but kept it in his hands. It was the best he could do. Thankfully, Alexander seemed to recognize that.

“There was a farm, a mile and a half or so down the main road,” the tall guy said. “We went to inspect it and uh… turns out the couple there were luring kids in, feeding them then-” The guy cut off and shook his head.

“And what?” Gabe prompted, tilting his head, looking like the twin of his dog as he scratched her behind the ears.

“They were _eating them_ , Gabe. They were fucking-” the guy’s shoulders were a tense line as he nodded to two younger guys standing by the edge of the group. “They were fucking eating them. We found those two tied up in the basement.”

“And the couple?” JT asked.

“Dead. They shot at Colin. We stopped playin’ friendly after that.” The guy explained and JT nodded. Understandable, he supposed.

“We got the kids out of there and well… a couple surprises, too,” the tall guy said, pointing at a wagon one of the kids was pulling. On the wagon was a wire crate (something just big enough for a human, if hunched over, JT realized and he felt a little sick to his stomach). But inside the crate…. JT holstered his gun and approached.

“Is this really…. Holy _shit…_ .” JT whispered, chickens inside were looking around, a little shook up by the move, he supposed. Chickens. _Eggs_. Behind the wagon was a tall horse, looking altogether bored with the proceedings.

“And this, too,” the tall man said, leading over a fat black and white goat, tied to a string.

“A goat? What would we need a goat for?” Gabe asked.

The tall man smiled widely, a couple teeth were missing. JT supposed he should be scared, but he felt like laughing when the man spoke again. “I can make goat cheese.”

The tall man stepped forward and shook JT’s hand. He was EJ. The farmer. He should have guessed. “Gabe tells me your sister keeps a garden?”

“Yeah… I mean Jesse had to sort of learn as we go and we should make it bigger for like… everyone but… yeah. She’s got tomatoes and some herbs and strawberries and some other stuff,” JT said, and EJ clapped him on the shoulder.

“We can definitely help expand that,” EJ said warmly. “I look forward to working with her. And you.”

JT rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. So he bent down and introduced himself to Zoey the dog instead. Dogs were great. No expectations from him, just a happy tail thumping and a lick to his face.

After Zoey, Mel hugged him. Even around her belly, and JT trying to be careful not to hurt her, she hugged tighter than just about any other hug he’d ever had. It reminded him a bit of his mom and he tried not to get choked up about it.

Next, he met the two kids they’d rescued from the cannibal farmers. Cale and Sammy. They were quiet but promised to help wherever they could. Then he shook hands with Colin and Nate, and the other Tyson “Call me Big Tyson or T-Beauts” Barrie pulled JT into an exuberant hug.

“You all are a huggy bunch,” JT said, voice muffled in T-Beauts’ shoulder.

“Yeah, we are,” Barrie laughed, then suddenly let go and backed up a half-step. He looked upset, as though someone had just kicked Zoey or something. “Unless you’re not okay with that? I’m real sorry, I didn’t even ask-”

“No,” JT cut him off, shaking his head. “No. I don’t- I mean I don’t… I don’t _not_ like it. I just-” He ran his fingers up through his hair, tugging a little, trying to find the right words. He didn’t know how to say he just wasn’t used to it.

Barrie seemed to pick up on that and pulled JT forward again into another, albeit more gentle hug.

JT guided them carefully through his traps, Gabe pulling up the rear, covering their tracks as they went. It was late afternoon by the time they reached the cabins, the sun scorching overhead. JT already knew his arms were sunburnt. His face, too, probably. He’d forgotten to wear a hat that morning. It wasn’t long before the back door to their cabin opened and Jesse was helping Tyson hobble out onto the porch. He let out an elated whoop and it was answered by most of the group there. Alexander passed the lead of the goat to Sam and launched into a run, jumping all three steps to the porch and gathering Tyson into his arms with such force that Tyson’s crutch clattered to the ground. Tyson laughed and steadied himself by hanging onto Alexander’s shoulders as their lips got closer.

JT cleared his throat and looked away, chest heavy. “C’mon,” he said, leading the group between the cabins. “Gotta show you the smoker and the storage. And Jesse’s garden. Um… Gabe if you wanna take Mel inside, I think Jesse said she was gonna have lunch and like… water and stuff ready for us.”

EJ got off the horse and clapped his hand on JT’s shoulder. “You’re a good kid,” he said, voice gruff, but with some sort of softness behind it that made the feelings of tightness in JT’s chest get worse.

JT hoped he was talking about the cabin, but had a distinct feeling otherwise.

As he showed everyone around, JT was grateful for EJ. While Gabe was clearly the leader of the bunch, EJ was a planner and definitely had some ideas on how to expand their stores and food production to make it comfortable for everyone. He’d roped Colin into some ideas for a chicken coop and a barn to keep the horse and goat safe from the rain. EJ had apparently named the horse Landeskog, after Gabe, and Sam had apparently just given the chickens numbers in French, but that was all they responded to. JT was given the honor of naming the goat.

“Chester,” he said immediately. Ever since EJ had mentioned goat cheese, cheese was the safest distraction for JT to think about. And the goat’s face, the beard, it kind of looked like Chester Cheeto.

“The goat’s a girl,” EJ hummed.

“What? Girls can’t be named Chester?” JT said stubbornly.

EJ stood still for a minute, considering, then nodded, smiling a little. “You’re right, kid. Chester it is.”

JT grinned triumphantly as Chester bumped her head against JT’s hand before he pat her fondly.

“Huh,” EJ said quietly, considering.

JT felt his mood wane immediately, hackles rising. “What?”

“First time I’ve seen you smile since I met you,” he said lightly.

“Not much to smile about in the world anymore,” JT said, frowning, even as he gave Chester some gentle nose scritches.

“You really think that?” EJ asked gently.

JT shrugged.

EJ huffed a little, then gave him a quick, hard hug before walking away.

Something about the interaction made JT want to cry.

 

* * *

 

JT spent the rest of the afternoon helping Jesse and Barrie make a nice dinner for everyone (or as nice as they could manage under the circumstances) to welcome everyone. It was Jesse’s idea, but Barrie immediately offered to help, even offering up some of the spices they’d found at the farmhouse where they’d rescued Sam and Cale. As they cooked, they talked about some of the seeds they’d found between some grocery store raids and the farmhouse, things they could try in the garden.

JT really only offered because he wanted to keep away from any reunions between Tyson and Alexander. He was happy for them, he honestly was. He wanted Tyson to be happy. But that didn’t stop the hurt from settling in his chest, seeing Alexander sitting at the picnic table with Tyson sprawled across his lap.

He wanted. And he couldn’t have.

 

* * *

 

 Just over a week later, it was a beautiful evening and they all gathered outside, circled up around an unlit fire pit. Colin had found a guitar in the neighboring cottage. The only songs he seemed to know were the complete discography of Dave Matthews Band, but he was talented and everyone, even Jesse, was smiling along. JT picked the seat furthest from Tyson and Alexander, settled between Mel and EJ. He was half-listening to Mel and Jesse’s conversation about when the baby was due, as he and EJ gave Zoey attention and any scraps from the venison steaks they’d made.

At some point, the joy of the group got to be a little too much for JT. It felt unsafe, to him, to be this happy. As if it was a lie or some betrayal to everyone who’d died. He excused himself under the guise of bringing dirty dishes to the kitchen in his cabin.

He should have known, though, that he couldn’t avoid them for long.

A throat cleared behind him as he put the plates in the sink, and he saw Alexander standing behind him, wringing his hands.

“Can I uh… I just wanted to say…” Alexander said, looking as off-balance as JT felt.

“Yeah, what’s up?” JT said, purposely trying to keep his voice light. He didn’t want to ostracize Alexander or anything. It wasn’t the guy’s fault JT had gone and fell for his boyfriend.

In an instant, Alexander was across the kitchen, his arms around JT in an embrace so tight it left him breathless for a moment.

And honestly?

It was the _perfect_ hug.

JT wound his arms over Alexander’s shoulders, returning it. He felt warm and soft and yeah- he could see why Tyson never seemed to want to inhabit another chair aside from Alexander’s lap when he was around.

He hated himself a little bit for that thought.

“Thank you,” Alexander said into JT’s shoulder.

“Don’t,” JT said firmly. “Don’t thank me. You- don’t.”

“You kept him, kept them both safe. You gave us a _home_. You did so much for us, JT,” Alexander said, muffled a little by JT’s tee shirt.

JT was glad Alexander couldn’t see his face. He winced, mentally adding a couple of things. _I’m the reason your boyfriend got hurt. I almost killed him. I fell in love with him. I’m selfish_.

“Please don’t,” JT said, wincing as his voice cracked. Alexander broke the hug immediately and JT shut his eyes at the first hint of concern in Alexander’s gaze.

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt hunting this morning? You should have said,” Alexander said, immediately leading JT to the couch to play medic.

JT shook his head. “M’not hurt it’s just-”  He trailed off, silent for a bit too long.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Alexander’s hand settled on his cheek. “It’s a lot, right?” Alexander said quietly, thumb running over on JT’s cheek in a gentle way that hurt, distracted, and made him feel warm all at once.

“Yeah,” JT said, eyes still closed, even though he could feel Alexander close to him.

“You know… You’ve been looking out for Jesse for so long, it’s okay to look after you, too. And I know… I know this group can be a lot sometimes. They’re so full of love and can find joy in… in everything. It’s okay to not be okay, and to need time to settle into that,” Alexander said.

That was definitely part of it. At least the part of it that JT could admit to Alexander. And it was true. “I hate that I’m-” JT started. He hated that he hated this. Hated that he was in love with Tyson. Hated that he already liked Alexander, too. Hated that he didn’t trust them all yet. Hated that he wanted to. Hated that he wanted to be like them, so full of love. Hated that he wasn’t.

JT choked on a sob, leaning into Alexander’s hand. “I want to be…” he said vaguely, unsure how to say more, but he didn’t need to. Alexander hauled him into a hug and just let JT cry. And he did cry. He cried until his nose ran and his head was sore and his eyes were dry and itchy.

And Alexander just held him. He whispered gently to him, kissed his head, just over his ear, ran his hand up and down JT’s back. JT’s back ached at the angle he was leaning into Alexander, but he still didn’t move from the safe embrace. His sobs had turned to hiccups, one letting out on a wide, slow yawn.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed, babe,” Alexander said and they both stiffened. JT moved back so fast that he nearly fell off the couch.

Alexander rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks going pink. “Sorry, I just… Used to calling Tyson that and I just…”

JT nodded, not wanting to admit that the combination of the pet name and bed put his mind in a place it really ought not to be. And the mention of Tyson put a hurt through him in multiple and confusing ways that he really didn’t want to name. Alexander bit his bottom lip nervously, and JT’s eyes drifted down of their own accord and everything was just too much.

“Yeah. It’s cool, man. I’m just gonna- You were right. Bed. I’m gonna-” JT said, scrambling up off the couch and hurrying out of the living room without even waiting for a response.

Well, _fuck_.

 

* * *

 

 JT would say that he got up unreasonably early the next morning, but that would imply that he’d slept at all. Whenever he closed his eyes, he thought about Tyson. Or Alexander. Or, god forbid, _both_.

He scrubbed a hand down his face as he padded down the stairs, putting on his boots and heading out the back door. The sun was just coming up and it was looking to be another cloudless, sunny day. The air was damp and cool and he briefly considered starting work immediately, but they still had a lot of water to purify for everyone before he could afford the midday wash that starting hard labor early would entail. Maybe he could help with that, at least. He checked the rain buckets before heading out to fill up some extras from the stream that ran through a far corner of the property. He brought the bow, just in case, but it was a quiet morning and he didn’t see anything, save a rabbit that was too fast for him to even consider. He put both buckets of water on the back porch, then went back for two more. Eight buckets later, the sun was still rising and he needed a short break. He was about to head inside when Chester stuck her head out of the temporary shelter they’d put up for her and EJ’s horse.

“C’mere, girl,” JT said, settling down on the grass, leaning back against the storage shed. Chester trotted over and snuffed at his shoulder before lying down with her head on his thigh. She reminded him of a dog and he chuckled, patting her fondly. “No matter what happens, I’ve got you, right?”

He grabbed some grass from beside him and held it out for her. She lipped at it, finally deciding it was breakfast time, gnawing contentedly. He leaned back against the shed, hand on Chester’s side, and closed his eyes for a few moments.

When he came to, Nate and EJ were coming out of the neighboring cabin. The squeaking screen door the only alert of movement to JT. He blinked a few times, patting Chester to make sure she was still there. She looked up at him with her big, weird eyes and nosed at his stomach. Then, she tilted her head and made a motion to start getting up. He wondered what had spooked her, but he glanced up and saw Alexander and Tyson, both sleep rumpled and standing at the gate. Their foreheads were together and they were whispering to each other. The sun was coming over the trees right behind their heads, creating a hazy golden halo.

They were beautiful. 

He hated it. 

Their whispering stopped as they noticed him standing up. Wasn’t much use in hurting his back on the ground if Chester was going to go elsewhere. They both turned to him and he looked frantically around, looking for literally anything else to do. But they were at the gate. He couldn’t go anywhere without passing them, so he put on a weak, false smile and headed over, making his way over the fence. “Morning,” he said, aiming for cheerfulness and missing the mark entirely. He could tell, the way they both winced at him.

“Hey, JT… Alexander um… he told me about what happened…” Tyson said slowly and JT tensed up, abandoning his weak pretense of ignoring what had happened.

“Listen, JT,” Alexander added, reaching out, but stopping the movement when JT stepped back. “We’re so sorry if we made you uncomfortable-”

“ _Me_?” JT asked, incredulous.”I-“ He couldn’t even comprehend. He was the one blatantly into _both_ of them. While they were with _each other_ . If anyone was making anyone else uncomfortable, it wasn’t _them_.

He shook his head, pushing past them. “No. I just- _I’m_ sorry,” he said, locking eyes with EJ across the yard. “I’ve gotta go.” 

He rushed over to EJ, grabbing him by the elbow.

“Kid, what’s wrong?” EJ asked, but JT shook his head, leading him toward the woods. 

“Gotta show you the traps around the property. I don’t- I shouldn’t be the only one who knows them. In case something happens and that way you can help hunt or-” JT’s voice was getting more and more uneven and EJ stopped.

“Kid,” he said, pity thick in his inflection and JT couldn’t stand it.

He swiped at his cheek and clenched his jaw. “I have to show you the traps,” he repeated carefully.

EJ sighed, then nodded. “Yeah, kid. Show me the traps.”

 

* * *

 

 For the next few weeks, JT did a pretty good job of avoiding Alexander and Tyson whenever he could. He had a decent excuse, getting everyone else settled in and learning the area as well as he did. EJ got to know all the traps, as well as JT did, and they checked them together every morning before they collected eggs and milked Chester. He taught Nate some of the best places to hunt, he helped Colin chop wood so they could build a proper chicken coop, and a safe barn for Landeskog (the horse, not the Gabe) and Chester. He worked and built and toiled every day until his hands were cracked and blistered. He was so exhausted at the end of each day that he was asleep before his head hit the pillow each night. It didn’t leave him any time to think about anything like sadness or heartbreak or two scruffy men with big, soft eyes.

 

* * *

 

 This went on for a month until it all got screwed up.

It was 3 am when a scream woke JT up. He threw himself out of bed, knife in hand and out of his bedroom before he could think. Jesse met him in the hallway and she nodded to Gabe’s room. EJ came out of his room as JT was pounding on the door. “Gabe? What’s going on?”

Gabe answered the door looking pale and terrified.

“Mel’s in labor,” he whispered.

JT quietly cursed, realizing that Tyson and Alexander had traded rooms with EJ. Keeping the medic near Mel would have been the smartest thing to do, if JT hadn’t gone and fucked it all up.

“Ok,” JT said, pushing his hair back off of his forehead. “I’ll go over and get Alexander.”

“JT,” Gabe said, pointing to the window. It was pouring outside.

Fuck.

 

* * *

 

 EJ and Gabe were upstairs with Mel and her pained groans echoed through the cabin. JT was pacing downstairs while Jesse boiled water and prepared a lot of towels and rags.

“This is my fault,” he said to himself, but Jesse heard and rounded on him, fixing him with a glare.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself,” she said quietly, as though her berating JT could affect how much pain Mel was in. Mel probably didn’t care if Jesse tore him a new one. She was busy forcing an entire human out of her body with zero medical assistance.

“They wouldn’t have changed their rooms if I hadn’t got all-” JT said, then ran his hand through his hair. 

“All what?” Jesse asked quietly.

JT never wanted her to get involved, he didn’t want her in the middle of his stupidity. She had been so happy since Gabe’s group came to live there. He hated putting that at risk for her. “My feelings.”

“For Tyson?” she asked.

JT was silent.

“For Alexander?”

JT was silent.

“ _Both_?”

JT was silent. Then, a single nod.

Jesse moved from the stove to slap him in the shoulder. “Idiot,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said sadly. “I know.” He looked around the room, then saw some of Gabe’s old camp equipment in a corner of the living room.

“That’s not what I mean- What are you doing?” Jesse asked as JT rushed over to the gear, digging through until he found the tarp.

“M’gonna get Alexander. She needs a medic. I gotta make this right,” he said.

Jesse looked outside, her face fearful, but she gave him a short nod. “Just… when you get back with him. Just… if you don’t want to talk to Josty and Kerf, at least ask Barrie what happens when you’re into two guys who are also into you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jesse,” JT bit off.

“Barrie. Colin. Nate. They’re together. All three,” she said, as if spelling it out to a toddler.

JT blinked. “What.” He hadn’t even realized. In hindsight it made sense. They were always together, always so comfortable with each other. They always said ‘I love you’ to each other, but JT had always just accepted that as this really affectionate group. Something like hope settled into his gut.

“Three people, you idiot. Polyamory, it’s called. It can happen. And Kerf and Jost care about you, too. You’d know if you hadn’t been running from them,” Jesse rolled her eyes.

“Ha fucking ha,” JT grumbled, but he was interrupted by another groan from Mel. He pulled his boots on, then pulled the tarp over his head. “I’ll be back. Love you, Jess.” 

“Don’t call me that. Love you too,” Jesse said, kissing his cheek before heading back toward the water and towels. “Be safe.” 

JT nodded, then headed out, running beneath the tarp, trying to avoid as much splashing as possible. He reached the neighboring cabin, pounding on the door from under the tarp. It wasn’t loud enough. He started kicking. “Guys,” he shouted. “Fucking _get up_!”

Barrie answered, rubbing sleep from his eyes, before realizing that JT was standing there, under a tarp, in the _rain_. “Fuck, what happen-”

“Mel. Baby. Kerf. _Now_.” JT shouted over the pounding of the rain against his tarp and Barrie spun around and booked it to the stairs. Not even a minute later, Alexander was pulling boots on over sweatpants, completely foregoing a shirt (much to JT’s dismay). Tyson stood behind him, obviously sleepy. He handed Alexander a hooded raincoat and gloves. Alexander put them on and nodded to JT as they hurried back to JT’s cabin. To Mel.

Alexander was in front of JT, and they’d gotten to the bottom of the stairs, to the yard between their cabins, when Josty called out from behind them. “I’ll call on the walkie.”

“Ten-four. Love you, babe.” Kerfoot called back.

“Love you, too!” Tyson called out.

JT winced. He looked ahead to where Jesse was standing at the door of their cabin, the light shining from behind her. He envied both Alexander and Tyson. The way they could just openly love each other like that. He wanted so badly to be a part of that. He thought about what Jesse said and some sad, lonely part of him _hoped_.

And then he slid in the mud and went face-first into a puddle.

His tarp went flying. Jesse screamed.

 

* * *

 

 JT was still for a few seconds. Well. He didn’t die immediately. _Guess I’m not one of the lucky ones_ , he thought. The rain beat down on him, cold and hard, soaking into his skin almost immediately.

“JT,” Alexander shouted, turning toward him and _no_.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” JT shouted. He knew enough to know that if the rain didn’t kill him right away, he’d get sick in the next few hours. And anyone he came into contact with, they’d also die.

“But-” Alexander looked distraught, glancing between JT and Tyson, standing in the other cabin door, hand over his mouth. His shoulders were shaking and JT had to look away.

“Go to Mel, Kerfoot. Fucking _go_.” JT shouted over a roll of thunder. He shivered, looking around. He still had a knife at his hip. Maybe he could put himself out of his misery quick.

He shot a quick look at both cabins as he stood, covered in mud and feeling the inevitable sink into his bones. He’d be dead soon. They’d bury him with the others. Sammy was at the door of the neighbor’s cabin, pulling Tyson up from his knees and closing the door as the rain picked up. JT turned back to his own cabin. Jesse was at the door, staring at him. His heart broke, but part of him knew. He always knew she’d be outliving him in this. It’s what he wanted.

 _I love you_ , he mouthed to her, careful to enunciate it clearly, before turning to trek to the edge woods.

She didn’t need to see what would come of him next.

 

* * *

 

 He couldn’t do it.

He sat there, back to a tree, as the rain poured around him. His knife was in his hand. The rain would make him sick in a few hours and he’d die, but he couldn’t help but hope that the rain might ease up. That he might be able to see Jesse one more time. To tell her how much he loved her, how proud he was of her. And maybe he could tell Tyson and Alexander that he was sorry. That he loved them, maybe. Probably. Definitely. And he’d tell Colin to learn some new fucking songs on the guitar. And he’d tell Barrie how to calm Chester down when she got scared of the wind when it got too loud. And he’d tell Gabe to love that new baby of his and tell them stories about JT, but only the good ones.

He leaned back against the tree, closing his eyes, and he fell asleep, thinking of all the things that he would say if he could. If he had enough time.

 

* * *

 

 JT woke up to the sun shining. His knife was still in his hand, but, he looked up at the sky. It was around noon. It had been at least ten hours since exposure. He should have been dead in four.

He felt fine.

He wasn’t dead.

Either the virus had changed or the rain… the rain wasn’t poisonous anymore. He stood, clothes still caked with drying mud. He approached the yard slowly, eyeing the spot where he’d clearly fallen, the grass was still torn up where he’d slipped in the mud. He blinked down at it for a few moments before the door to his cabin opened and Alexander stepped out. His eyes were red, his face blotchy, and he looked exhausted. 

“I’m not sick,” JT called out across the yard, voice wavering. “Do you think... Maybe?”

“You should be dead. If you were sick, you’d be dead already, JT,” Alexander said, eyes widening. “The rain…. You should be dead. Unless…”

“Unless?” JT asked, hands shaking.

“The rain may not always be… Maybe it was just that one time, or when it’s from the contaminated source? I just… you should be dead but you’re—” Kerfoot stepped out and JT backed up.

“What if I’m sick though. What if it’s a fluke? I can’t get you sick. What if it’s just…” JT shook his head, but Alexander kept moving, looking angry now.

“No,” Alexander said firmly. “I left you behind once and _fuck you_ if you think I’m doing it again. Come here.”

JT didn’t move, but he still managed a weak protest. “Tyson can’t lose you.”

Alexander didn’t answer. He took a penlight from his pocket, checking JT’s pupils, then his pulse. He felt his glands, checked his throat, and listened to his heartbeat. As he put his stethoscope back around his neck, he looked back up at JT. JT was surprised to see tears in Alexander’s eyes.

“Me _and_ Tyson can’t lose _you_ ,” Alexander said, voice cracking and he cradled JT’s face in his hands, crushing his lips against JT’s in a hard, desperate kiss that only broke on Alexander’s relieved sob. He pulled JT into one of his tight, safe hugs. “You’re okay. You’re not sick. You’re okay. The rain was safe. You’re safe.”

JT slumped in relief against Alexander, feeling a tightness in his chest that was something deeper than relief. He leaned into the embrace for another moment before-

“Jesse,” he said quickly, and Alexander let go.

“She’s in her room,” Alexander said, grabbing JT’s hand and leading him to the house. “She’s been…”

Alexander shook his head and JT understood. If it had been Jesse, he’d have been inconsolable.

“Mel? The baby?” he asked quietly, hurrying along a little faster so he could get to Jesse.

Alexander actually smiled. Soft and warm and JT was hit with a sudden urge to kiss him again. “A little girl. Around nine this morning. They’re both good. Healthy. Everyone’s sleeping.”

JT smiled as they got into the cabin and he took off his muddy boots.

“Don’t suppose I can convince you to change into something that won’t track mud and dirt through the house I _just cleaned_ before you go see Jesse?” Alexander asked, but JT was already halfway to the stairs. He heard Alexander huff fondly behind him. “Didn’t think so. I’ll tell everyone you’re home. Go see your sister.”

JT knocked lightly on Jesse’s door before letting himself in. She was face down on the bed, body wracked with shaking, silent sobs. “Jesse,” he whispered. She didn’t answer. “Jesse. Kid. _Jess_.”

She turned around, eyes going wide at the sight of him and she was frozen. He couldn’t tell if it was shock or fear. 

“Jesse,” he said softly, reaching out to her, approaching slowly. “The rain. It wasn’t- It wasn’t poisonous. I was- I- I’m okay. Kerf checked me over. It’s past noon. I’m not sick. I’m okay. No virus.”

“How?” she finally whispered.

JT shook his head, sniffing as his eyes filled. “I don’t know, Jesse. The rain was safe, maybe. But I’m here. I’m here. I’m oka-”

He was cut off by Jesse nearly flying across the bedroom to hug him and his arms were full of 5 feet, 8 inches of a sobbing sister. He kissed the top of her head, his own tears flowing freely. “I know, Jesse. I know,” he whispered. “I’m here. I’ve got you. I’m okay.”

“Don’t you ever fucking-” she started, cut off by another sob, but JT was already nodding his agreement.

“Never. I promise. Never ever,” he said, squeezing her a little tighter.

 

* * *

 

 It was another hour before JT made it back downstairs. He’d changed into some sweatpants and his softest Star Wars tee shirt, wiped off the mud as best he could, and realized he hadn’t eaten in nearly a day. He padded into the kitchen, where nearly everyone was standing around. Kerf had done a good job letting everyone know, then.

EJ pushed through the group, gripping JT’s shoulders tight. “Kid,” he said, voice thick with something that seemed to belie EJ’s quiet, detached expression. “Don’t fuckin’ scare us like that again.”

“I’ll try,” JT said, giving him a tiny smile.

EJ leaned forward, briefly pressing his forehead to JT’s. “See that you do, kid,” he grumbled. “See that you do.”

He went through a round of hugs from nearly everyone, feeling a little warmth in his heart. If there was anything that came from this, it was the realization that he had a family here, aside from Jesse. People that really seemed to love him.

Well, he thought. Save for one.

He chewed on a piece of jerky that Jesse had pressed into his hand upon learning he hadn’t eaten yet, and he walked over to Alexander. The man looked sad, guilty. Like he was maybe rethinking that kiss already. That was fine. They didn’t have to be like Nate, Barrie, and Colin. Heartbroken and alive was better than the alternative, he supposed.

“I don’t regret it,” Alexander said, interrupting his thoughts.

JT blinked in surprise.

Alexander continued. “I just… I care about you. Tyson does too.”

JT pointedly looked around for the one person, aside from Mel and the baby, who was among the group crowded into his cabin.

Alexander sighed. “He’s… he was scared, JT,” he said quietly. “He- I’ve never seen him so upset and I’ve known him since before The Rain. He was- And then he helped me deliver the baby as soon as the rain stopped and he just… he’s probably sleeping and just… it was a lot for him to take.”

“Yeah imagine how I feel,” JT said dryly.

Alexander pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “You know what? I don’t know. I don’t know how you feel, JT. Because you won’t talk to us about how you feel. We keep trying to tell you how we feel and you don’t want to hear it. So no. I can’t imagine how you feel because you’re so fucking hard to read.”

JT didn’t know what to say to that. It felt a little harsh, but he also knew it was true. “I know,” he admitted quietly, leaning into Alexander’s side. “I’m sorry I just… I didn’t want to fuck things up and I just…”

“You what?” Alexander said quietly, and JT knew what he meant. He’d been avoiding talking about how he felt that it was hard to actually voice it.

“I care. About both of you. Um… a lot. A lot more than like… bros,” JT mumbled.

Alexander chuckled. “Yeah. Got that earlier, bud,” he teased and JT relaxed a little. “I knew, you know? You and Tys. Before we even came here. I knew he had feelings for you. That last time on the walkie, when you left? Tyson spent 20 minutes trying to talk to me about poly and asking questions about how it works with Nate and Barrie and Colin.”

“And how does it?” JT asked quietly, tilting his head. “How does it work, I mean." 

“Communication,” Alexander smiled fondly at JT. “Gotta talk to each other.”

JT flushed. He wanted to make this right.

“I wasn’t even jealous, you know,” Alexander continued. “At first. When I realized. I knew I probably should be. Always knew he was my soulmate. And I’m not going to lie. I was scared some days I’d never see him again. That you’d kill him and it’d be my last time I got to see him. But then…”

“Then…” JT prompted him, heart hammering wildly in his chest.

“Then I met you,” Alexander said bluntly. “You’ve got a heart as big as his. It’s hard not to love that right away, JT.”

JT frowned. “I threatened you. When we met I had a gun in your face.”

“Yeah. Protecting your sister and Gabe and Tyson. You may hide it better than Tys does, but your heart is just as big.” Alexander chuckled and put his hand on JT’s cheek. JT knew he was in deep, but Alexander was right. He needed to speak his feelings. He was going to be better about it.

“I love you,” JT said quietly. “And Tyson.”

“I know,” Alexander said, smiling, then poked at JT’s shirt with his free hand.

JT looked down. Star Wars shirt. He snorted. Then frowned again. “Is he-”

“He just needs to work through it. He was a wreck today. He thought he watched you die. Give him a little time,” Alexander said, kissing JT quick and soft. Not even like a big gesture, just a small, warm kiss. Like it was something he planned on doing every day. “I’ll talk to him, though.”

JT nodded. “Yeah. I want- don’t tell him though about like... The love thing.”

Alexander’s eyes narrowed, but JT was quick to amend the statement.

“I just want him to hear that from me, that’s all.”

Alexander softened and kissed JT again. “Can do. And for the record? I love you, too. Now go upstairs and check on baby Landeskog. I know you want to see her and Mel.”

“You ever get tired of being right all the time?” JT asked against Alexander’s lips, feeling warm and giddy all over.

“Nah.”

 

* * *

 

JT was upstairs and, after another tear-filled hug, this time from Mel, he was introduced to little Eva Landeskog. She was tiny, wrinkly, with tiny little fingers, tiny little toes, a scrunched up little button nose, and fuzzy blonde hair. JT loved her immediately.

The sun was setting and JT was sitting with Eva tucked against his chest while Mel took another nap. He hummed a little to her. He’d cycled through a slow version of every Disney song he could remember so he was now working through a slow version of one of those stupid Dave Matthews Band songs that Colin liked to play all the time.

It was growing on him. Whatever. He’d never tell Colin that.

A shadow filled the doorway and he looked up, expecting to see Gabe, but Tyson stood there in a sweatshirt two sizes too big, dark circles under his eyes. His face shadowed and dark and sad.

JT loved him. So fucking much.

He looked down at Eva. She was sleeping. He stood slowly, gently putting her in the crib Colin had made right after they’d first arrived. She stayed sound asleep. JT ran a fingertip over her cheek, marveling at how soft it was. How innocent she seemed. Born into this world. They’d all protect her as best they could, but it wouldn’t be easy.

He padded over to Tyson, nodding toward his room, where they could talk without waking Mel or Eva.

When the door was finally shut behind them, before Tyson could say anything, JT spoke. 

“Can I hug you?”

Tyson looked surprised but nodded.

JT stepped forward, pulling him into a tight hug, feeling Tyson shudder in his arms and he felt his heart skip. “I’m sorry, Tyson,” JT said, voice soft, aching with how Tyson had looked that morning. “I’m so sorry.”

“I thought you were _dead_ ,” Tyson’s voice broke and JT nodded.

“I know. I did, too,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I should have told you.”

Tyson shifted and JT was afraid he’d pull away, but he just burrowed closer, twisting his fingers in JT’s tee shirt. “Told me what?”

JT sighed. “Everything. That I’m sorry. That I was jealous. That I wanted more than I thought I could have. That I love Alexander. That I love _you_.”

“I know,” Tyson said, laughing a little into JT’s shirt.

JT laughed at the absurdity of the same reaction twice. “Alexander said he wouldn’t tell you. I wanted to tell you myself,” he said, realizing exactly how petulant he sounded.

“He didn’t,” Tyson said, pulling back from the hug just a little. “He’s easy to read.”

“Well I can’t read either of you,” JT grumbled.

“You’ll learn,” Tyson said, as if it was a simple problem with a simple response. Maybe it was. He wondered if he should be tamping down that burst of hope in his chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

“Yeah?” JT asked.

“Yeah,” Tyson smiled softly. “We love you.”

“We do,” Alexander's voice sounded from the doorway. JT turned and looked at him. His arms were crossed over his chest, watching JT and Tyson with a fond smile. “We love you.”

They said it like it was that easy.

Maybe it was.

They led JT to bed. Between the three of them, they’d helped deliver a baby, nearly died, and had at least 2 complete breakdowns that day. They needed sleep. JT’s bed wasn’t big, but it fit them snug together.

For the first time since The Rain, JT considered himself lucky.

  



End file.
